How to Identify and Reframe Unhelpful Thinking Patterns
Written by: Abby Smolinske, LMHC-A, ATR-P
Fact: Everyone has an inner critic that can bring up negative thoughts about oneself which can increase guilt, shame, and impact self-esteem. The inner critic is especially prominent with individuals challenged by eating disorders.
Fact: You do not have to believe every thought you think. Yes, read that again if you need to. Thoughts are just that: thoughts. They are not facts and they often involve assumptions, opinions, and inferences. You are allowed to question your thoughts and require more evidence in order to believe them.
Fact: There are ways to identify and reframe negative or unhelpful thoughts from the inner critic. It starts with asking the questions “Is this thought a fact? Do I choose to believe it?”
Cognitive Distortions and What to Do with them
In order to better understand some of the thinking patterns we are looking for, it can be helpful to label them. Cognitive distortions are “internal mental filters or biases that increase our misery, fuel our anxiety, and make us feel bad about ourselves” (Grinspoon, 2022). There are quite a few cognitive distortions, and we will walk through some of the most common, particularly in the realm of eating disorders.
All or none thinking. Also referred to as “black or white thinking,” this distortion is one of the most common seen in general and particularly with eating disorders. It refers to thinking in extremes or on two ends of the spectrum; it is having difficulty seeing other options besides the two extremes.
Some examples of all or none thinking include:
- “I have to do this right or I will not do it at all.”
- “I messed up; I always fail at everything.”
- “I will never finish everything on my list, so I won’t do anything today.”
- “I did not do perfectly; I failed.”
With all or none thinking, the first step is simply recognizing that a thought is all or none, falling on an extreme end of the spectrum. An indicator for all or none thinking is noticing word choice. Commonly using words such as “always” “never” “fail” “only” and “or” can help identify this cognitive distortion.
Now that we have identified all or none thinking, what can we do about it when it shows up? There are a few options for reframing:
- Thinking in the Grey: This method is helpful as a reminder that there are more ways of thinking through a thought other than through black or white thinking. It can be helpful to assess thoughts and situations on a scale of 1 to 100 (notice it is not 1 or 100). An example of implementing this would be:
o Situation: You are creating a piece of art
o Thought (Rating of 1): “I messed up this line, the whole thing is ruined now, I am throwing it out.”
o Thought (Rating of 100): “My goal is to make this perfect, I won’t be happy with it until it looks good and fits the exact picture I have in my mind.”
o Thinking in the Grey (Rating of 55): “I could have done better with this part of it and although I am not 100% happy with the finished piece, I learned from the experience, and I enjoyed the process.”
- Putting the Thought on Trial: Think of a court room. Your thought is the one on trial and you are the defense and prosecutor. It is your job to find evidence that both supports and goes against the thought. This method of reframing helps to look at the thought objectively, by putting aside emotion, assumptions, and opinions and relying only on facts. It allows you to recognize and engage with multiple perspective. An example could look like:
o Situation: Your boss has not answered an email you sent two days ago regarding a meeting you requested in order to ask for a raise.
o Thought on Trial: “I should have never sent that email, now I am going to get fired.”
o The Supporting Evidence (What are reasons why this thought could be true?): My boss always answers their emails within a day. Although I am not sure why, another coworker was let go recently.
o The Evidence Against (What are reasons why this thought could be false?): My boss may not have received the email. They may have been too busy to respond in the past two days. My boss would not fire me over sending an email. Due to my hard work, I deserve a raise.
o Verdict: I will not get fired and it is within my right to advocate for myself. I can follow up with my boss in person.
Disqualifying the Positive. Another cognitive distortion that presents often is disqualifying the positive. It can be easy to fall into the habit of discounting the good or neutral aspects of a situation or yourself.
Some examples of disqualifying the positive include:
- “I know that in this situation I did well, but I also did poorly in all of these other situations, Lso it doesn’t count.”
- “Although my boss had more positive things to say in my performance review, I cannot stop thinking about the things I have messed up on and need to improve.”
- “This is good news, but I know this is not going to last.”
It can be challenging to recognize this cognitive distortion, especially when it is something we have done consistently for years. What can we do when we recognize we are disqualifying the positive? Aspects from the two previous methods mentioned can be helpful with this distortion, as well as another reframing option:
- Three Good Things. This method requires thinking of (and saying out loud, if helpful), three good things about a situation or yourself when you notice you are disqualifying the positive. Although it may feel ingenuine and unnatural at first, switching the script on a thought in this way can help to rewire neural pathways in the brain which will make it easier to come to those conclusions in the future. An example:
o Thought: “I hate myself.”
o Three Good Things reframe: “Although I am not happy with myself right now, three things I need to remember are: I am funny, I am loved, and I am a good friend.”
Jumping to Conclusions. This is an unhelpful thinking pattern many of us fall prey to. With this one especially, it will be brought up again: You do not have to believe every thought you think. There are a few ways that this distortion shows up, two of which include mind-reading and fortune telling.
Some examples of thoughts that are jumping to conclusions are:
- Mind reading: “I just know that my friend doesn’t actually want to hang out with me, they are just not saying it out loud.”
- Fortune telling: “I’m sure I will say something stupid during the presentation, so I will instead call in sick today.”
Putting the thought on trial is, again, a great option to implement when jumping to conclusions arises. A way to reframe could be:
- “What is fact and what is assumption? I do not know I will fail and even though I am scared, I will show up and try it anyways.”
Emotional Reasoning. Emotional reasoning is gathering evidence about something from the way you feel about it. It is feeling as though the way you feel about something proves something else to be true.
Examples of emotional reasoning includes:
- “I feel guilty so I must be a bad person.”
- “I feel hurt by them; my friends must be abandoning me.”
Some methods to try:
- Changing Semantics. Here is where paying attention to word usage is important again. The impact that “should” and “must” language have on inner dialogue is not to be overlooked.
o “I feel guilty so I must be a bad person” could be rephrased as “I am feeling guilt about this thing I did and I can do what I can to rectify it but this does not make me a bad person.
As you can see, there can be a lot of application with the methods described above; but the first step comes in recognizing. To be able to call out the cognitive distortions for what they are is the beginning of creating space between you and your thought and to be able to begin to ask the questions “Is this thought a fact? Do I choose to believe it?”
Calling out the inner critic for their cognitive distortions is hard; adjusting the way you have been thinking for years, possibly your whole life, will not simply change overnight. Have compassion and grace with yourself in this journey of becoming more aware and more intentional with thoughts and with that inner critic.
References
Grinspoon, P. (2022). How to recognize and tame your cognitive distortions. Harvard Health Publishing. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/how-to-recognize-and-tame-your-cognitive-distortions-202205042738#:~:text=Cognitive%20distortions%20are%20internal%20mental,continually%20processing%20lots%20of%20information.
Ten ways to untwist your thinking (n.d.)
